Thursday, July 19, 2012

Love Interruption

Over the last year I've learned a lot about myself and I think being single has made all the difference. I spent almost my entire adult life in a relationship. And while I wouldn't trade my time with Ryan for anything, there are some things you can only learn about yourself when you're alone. Being half of a couple can be consuming in a way you don't fully notice until it's gone. It can creep up on you and when you're left without that other half, suddenly you realize how much of yourself you gave up.



I don't mean to imply there's anything wrong with that. In fact, I got so much back in return it didn't feel like a sacrifice at all. But the fact still stands, that learning how to be single after being in a relationship for so long is largely a practice in getting to know who you are without all the sacrifices and compromises. There are also less excuses for your own fears and failures. It's easy to put things off when you have other people to think of, but now I find the only thing standing in my way is me.

And that can be frightening.

But even though I like being single for the most part, some days I inevitably feel lonely. I crave the knowledge that someone loves me and wants to be with me. I'm not even sure why. I think it's just natural for us to seek out other people and we all desire being desired to some degree. Either way, I don't like feeling like this. All weird and lonely.
So here are some of the things I like about being single: I like getting to do what I want to do and flirt with pretty bearded boys. I enjoy spending my money on what I want without worrying about Ryan. My friendships have gotten stronger (well some of them at least) and I feel like a twenty-something gal. It's great. I like cooking what I want for dinner (even if I hate not getting to share it). I like not feeling guilty for hogging all the covers. I like knowing I can sleep with whoever I want. I get to waste as much time as I want on my boring hobbies. I can stay up as late as i want (Ryan works early in the morning so this was always an issue). I get to flirt with cute pizza boys and waiters. I can be picky and selfish when it suits me. I can go to concerts and sleep in on the weekends. I can obsess over little things and go out with my friends as much as I like. Basically, I can be me. With no apologies and no guilt.

That's not bad when you really think about it.

5 comments:

  1. Why is it that whenever you're single, all your ever see are happy couples... then, when you're in a relationship, all you ever see are therapists?

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