“It was long since I had longed for anything and the effect on me was horrible.” -Samuel Beckett
Sometimes I get in a weird head space where all I can think about is all the things I don't know and all ways I feel stuck. Overall I really enjoy my life and I've worked hard to ensure it's full of as much laughter and love as possible. But for as much as I adore my friends and my silly entry level job, some days I can't help but feel like something is missing. The feeling of restlessness creeps up on me and I start craving change. (I'm pretty positive I've mentioned this before.) What was a light drizzle yesterday started to turn into a heavy torrent today, so I did the only thing I could do: I got a tattoo.
It's pretty much as small of a tattoo as a person can get, but it represents the way I feel about a lot of things in life. The red string of fate is "an invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.” The Chinese believe it is wrapped around the ankle, while the Japanese say it's the pinky. Either way, I've been enamored with the idea since I first read about it. I love the idea that our hearts are just coiled up bits of red thread that are connected to all the people we love and ever will love. There's something precious about the legend that appeals to my inner romantic.
Speaking of romance, the tattoo is also a reminder that love will happen when it's supposed to. Sometimes I can come off as cynical, but the truth is I believe in taking chances. Maybe I've seen too many romantic comedies, but I'm looking for something exceptional. I want to meet a person that inspires me to take a big leap. Someone who makes me want to change my whole life. For some reason I find it slightly embarrassing to admit that, but I will not settle for mediocrity in love. So when I meet someone I just click with, I can get almost obsessive about them. I get overly excited and try to rush things along. Maybe I do this as a form of self-sabotage because I don't think I'll ever truly find such a person. Sometimes I worry there's just not enough love in the world to keep me satisfied. Either way this tattoo is a reminder to step back. To let my emotions flow over me without drowning in them. Things will work out the way they need to. Just as they usually do.