Sunday, December 16, 2012

In which our heroine falls in love too easily

Normally I go through my days with relative ease. I try to get my never ending to-do list as close to completion as I can while relishing the time I get to myself. Things aren't always perfect and I often allow myself to get far too stressed, but for the most part my life has fallen into a happy rhythm.


But then something happens.

You meet a stranger that throws everything off beat. Suddenly your happy little life doesn't seem to fit so well. You find yourself questioning things you were always so sure of. Just days before you would have sworn you knew where you stood and now you find yourself questioning what it is you really want. Things that were completely ridiculous to you, like settling down, seem not so bad. You tell yourself you're just being silly. That this stranger isn't any different from all the ones before. And yet, you know in your heart it isn't true. You can tell by the way every text feels like a gift and the way every word is over analyzed. You start telling your friends all about this unexpected whirlwind that came into your life, even though you know it is far too early to be so excited. You know these things are delicate, that plans easily fall apart and promises made are far too often promises broken.

You do it anyways.

And your friends can't help but get excited with you. They know even better than you how premature your excitement is, but they believe in magic just as much as you do and they want you to be happy. Yet reality has a horrible habit of sneaking in when you least expect it. Even as you dream up extravagant scenarios in your head, your gut tells you something isn't right. As you excuse away their possible waning interest, your heart knows otherwise. "They would make the time if they really wanted to" your heart whispers. "It's time to wake up" your mind says. And the truth slowly seeps in. You realize they are like so many that came before and will unfortunately come again. You really did get carried away and what you thought was something special was really just an idea of something that doesn't really exists. At least not yet. Sometimes a sigh is just a sigh and people are often less than you'd like to believe.
At first you feel slightly cheated. Out of what you aren't sure, but cheated none the less. Anger and resentment make brief appearances, but you eventually settle into a vague sort of sadness. The creeping fear that maybe you aren't gonna find what you're looking for. Maybe magic doesn't exist. You allow yourself to wallow in self pity and start to wonder if it would have made a difference if you were prettier. Or more successful. Or skinnier. But you aren't the kind of person to feel too sorry for yourself and you find new ways to take your mind off things. Movies don't work as well as you'd like, but running is always good. And slowly you realize you aren't doing things to take your mind off things. You're doing them because you enjoy them. That bounce finds it way back into your step and that rhythm you were so quick to throw away becomes the comforting song of your life. Yeah your ego is still a little battered and bruised, but you once again become more and more thankful of all the wonderful things about your life.

Time is too precious it to waste on anyone who doesn't think you're amazing.

So you go along your merry way accepting that love will find you when it's time. If magic was so easy to find it wouldn't be so fantastical would it? You decide you're gonna stop getting so excited from now on. At least not so quickly. You're tired of getting hurt and a little caution could be a good thing for you.

And then you meet another stranger...

2 comments:

  1. You wrote this about me and Hottie Date Boy, I just know it! :P

    Oh, Alana, do I completely understand where you are coming from...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then all I can say is sorry. Cause it can be quite awful lol

      Delete