Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I’m not sure which is worse: intense feeling, or the absence of it

I was on a date not that long ago when the conversation drifted into the potentially frightening territory of past lovers. I'm not even sure how we got on the subject, but it was probably my own doing since I seem to have a hard time not talking about other lovers or past dates while I'm actually on a date. It must be terribly annoying to the people around me but it's like I can't help myself. I believe in being open and honest and maybe part of me wants to keep people at a distance and I've found this technique to be pretty dang effective.

Too effective.

Anyways, at some point in the conversation my date mentioned a woman he had fallen head over heels with. He said from the moment he saw her he knew he was a goner. He used dramatic language and the imagery of a person opening up his chest and stomping around on his heart and it made me kinda sad. In part for him. He's not the first person to fall in love with the idea of something and I know firsthand what the sting of reality snapping into place can feel like. But as embarrassing as it sounds, I also felt a bit sad for myself.

I know it's silly and self indulgent, but I want someone to feel that way about me.


  1. Not self-indulgent at all!!!! I want that feeling as well. It's so exhilirating to know someone thinks about you all the's been a long time since I have had that happen!

    1. Glad I'm not alone! I always think of that line in Tool's song Schism, "the light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us." haha