Tuesday, December 8, 2015


I hate when people ask me what I want out of life. How does a person even begin to answer such a question? Part of the problem is I'm bored with the perfectly reasonable bullshit most people come up with. The other part is the simple fact that I am terribly unsure. I want so many things that my dissatisfaction seems inevitable. One must to their best to be ordinary though, so I suppose I must come up with something. So what do I want?

I want to be worthy of my friends and loved ones.

I want to stand in a field of flowers as far as the eye can see.

I want to be wrong about love.

I want to continue to be open and honest with my feelings, even though it often hurts.

I want to believe in the magic of ordinary moments.

I want to listen more.

I want to let go of certain hopes.

I want to have an extraordinary love affair.

I want long conversations over too many cups of coffee.

I want the strength to give up on the people who have given up on me.

I want to stop thinking about how things can be different.

I want to be open to change.

I want to want someone who can want me back.

I want to be the best version of myself.

I want to continue growing and learning.

I want to believe I still have a chance.

So I guess it turns out there are quite a few things I know I want for sure. Then again, it is easier to just shrug and say, "I don't know."

I recently came across an old journal and this is an entry I found. I thought it was as accurate today as it was all those years ago.