Monday, January 4, 2016

10 ways to get over being dumped

1. Get out of bed.

I know you won't want to. I know it's hard. But you have to. You just do. I can guarantee he isn't going to lay in bed all day crying about the break up so you shouldn't ether. I know in a weird way you feel like you're accepting defeat if you do. It'll feel like you're telling the world it doesn't matter. That you aren't dying every moment of every day. But I promise it will get better. Just get out of bed.

2. Get dressed.

Okay, you got out of bed. I'm proud of you. Now you need to take a shower or a long bath and get ready. Do your makeup. Do your hair. Put on an outfit you love. I always try to look nice when I feel shitty and it makes a difference. It really does. If getting out of bed is the best you can do, that's okay too. But put on your favorite perfume or your favorite shade of lipstick if you can. It will help.

3. Eat.

Nourish your body and you'll start to nourish your soul. Food is love. Love yourself by eating. This has become the hardest part for me. I don't know why, but I just can't eat. I will though. If I can only eat crackers, then I will eat as many crackers as it takes. Go out to eat. Order your favorite meal. Drink smoothies. Do what it takes. You can't keep your heart strong with a weak body.

4. Delete everything.

I know this part is hard. I take a lot of pictures and I hold on to a lot of memories. I'm introspective in that way and it's hard not to analyze every word and every kind text. Don't do it though. It's a trap. I know he told you he loved you. I know he told you he couldn't wait to see you. I know he left cute little hearts on your pictures and seeing them reminds you that maybe he did care at one point. But he doesn't care now. If it helps, remember that he is probably sending those texts to someone else. Those little hearts adorn the pictures of another. They don't mean anything anymore. Clean out the cobwebs. He isn't reading those messages wondering why things changed. He isn't reopening the wound so you shouldn't either.

5. Music will help.

Listen to your favorite songs. Turn them up as loud as you want and sing your heart out. If a sad song comes on and you're driving to work, change the song. Don't get sucked in. Don't be that lady having a breakdown on her way to work. I'm often that lady and it doesn't help. But on your way home, cry all you need to. Get it all out. I don't think we ever get over certain types of heart break. We just get through it. And crying helps. Then listen to some angry songs and remind yourself that any man who would leave you is not worthy of you. He is not the one. I promise you he isn't.

6. Let your friends help.

It can be hard to let other people help you. Part of you doesn't want to get over it. I know. I know part of you wants to be sad because it makes you feel like it was real. You will turn away from the people who love you in favor of your solitude. But don't. They are the people who really care about you and they will remind you what it means to truly love a person. To support someone. Sometimes the first step to being okay is pretending to be okay. So pretend. And slowly you won't have to anymore.

7. Stay busy.

This goes with the last one. Stay busy if you can. Clean the house. Meet a friend for dinner. Read a book. Do anything but agonize over the lost future you thought you would have the chance to build. The future is not solid ground to stand on. Let go. He did.

8. Flirt.

Some people will tell you to put yourself back out in the dating pool. The quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone else right? It's okay if you can't. It's okay if the thought of someone else touching you makes your skin crawl. But feeling desired will help. So what if he doesn't want you? There are dozens of other people who would jump at the chance to be with you. I promise. I know it doesn't feel that way. I know you feel unloved and undesirable. Flirting will remind you that isn't true. So what if one person can't see your worth? You chose him in the first place. Remember that.

9. Allow yourself to be angry.

He was not perfect. I know you wanted it to work out so bad that you overlooked a lot of things. Well, now is your time to be angry. Every time I get sucked into thinking about how much I still love him, I remind myself all the ways he was unfair. Remember every lie. Burn every indiscretion into your mind until your hurt fades and you can breathe again. He never loved me. He betrayed me. He's cowardly. He's selfish. He's a tiny little man with paper thin love and he is not worthy of my love. He is not worthy. I am worthy. You are worthy. Tell yourself what you need to. Once the hurt fades you can work on letting go of the anger. I can live with anger a lot easier than hurt though. Anger doesn't make it hard to breathe.

10. Heal.

I know it's hard to imagine a time when it won't hurt. The music will help. Going out with your friends will help. The anger will help. But eventually, you will have to start the process of letting go. It's the only way you can really move on. The sad truth is sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes people can't appreciate a good thing when they have it. And as much as it hurts, you have to accept that you were wrong. He wasn't the one. What you had wasn't meant to last. If it was, it would have. Sometimes you try and try and try and things still don't work out. You will be better for it. Even if you don't believe it, you have to tell yourself so. Let your pain and hurt be a catalyst for growth. Grow and grow and grow.

I can't do half the things on this list yet, but I will. I have to.

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