Monday, January 25, 2016

It's all temporary

Today is one of the hardest days because it's the first day without hope. I know things are truly over. I know my love is wasted. I know we'll never get coffee and reconnect and slowly find one another again. It's over. Done.

And it's not easy.

I can't focus on work so I've been browsing Reddit for advice on how to let go. I keep dreaming about the past and it's really getting to me. (If anyone knows of a way to stop dreaming, even for a little while, I would appreciate it.) I thought this comment was really poignant though:
I can tell you the cliche bs "it gets better" line, but I'm a sap for cliches. I was in your shoes once, Im a 20 year old male, 300lbs, Viking build, and by that I mean the scruffiest beard, and a bigger beer belly. But, I tell you this so that way you have hope. Hope that love finds us in all places, and speaking of that cliche. It does get better, last year I thought I lost the love of my life. I had known her for half my life, now I'm dating 10 months later and feel just as grand as the day I was born. Sometimes you can't explain how people are, I personally was dumped for a guy on the side, you can't predict everything, even for people you've know for half your life. However, I CAN tell you how your next 4 months will go.

Days will come where you can't get out of bed, tears down your face, snot oozing from your nose, choking on the memories that remind you of her, turn to family on those days. Days will come where angry thoughts are all you have of her, turn to the gym, foster that anger into something constructive. The final days will be the hardest, you want to call her, ask how she is, see if you can meet her, then just think of your pride, you deserve better then someone dropping everything on you, better then someone who never tells you how they feel until it's already to late. You will rise above this better, I promise you that, I know I did. From now on though cut all contact, go out with friends and family, people you ACTUALLY WANT surrounding you if you cry, and if you drink, drink only in MODICUM! This is how life changing mistakes happen, as well as drunk "please take me back" calls. (Personal experince with tequila on that one.)

Just remember and think of the day you finally can count yourself free from this pain. When you can prove you're better then her, or when you find someone better for YOU. Trust me it's a long road, but the journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.
I hold onto things for along time, so a big part of me is scared I'll never get over it. But the sad truth is there are just some things you never get over. You just get through them. The memories may never stop hurting, but you get used to the pain.

Really if I could just stop randomly crying at work I'll be happy.

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